• Man emotional distancing by himself
(click here to read a summary of this post)

 

In our fight to combat the spread of coronavirus, we’re advised to practice social distancing.

Here in Singapore, we’ve taken it up a notch by turning it into law.

“Those who do not keep at least one meter apart, or who meet in groups of more than 10 people outside of work or school, could face a fine of up to $10,000 and/or up to six months’ imprisonment.”

To say we’re taking this seriously would be an understatement.

Many of us are already deathly afraid of losing our jobs, our livelihoods and getting sick.

With the new social distancing laws, we have one more thing to worry about: breaking the law.

Today, let’s talk about worrying.

Worrying in itself is not a bad thing. We worry because there’s something valuable to us that we’re at risk of losing. It could stem from fear of loss or fear of uncertainty.

In healthy doses, worry spurs us to take action.

But if we’re not conscious, worrying itself can be deadly.

Numerous studies have shown that incessant worrying can take a toll on our physical and mental health. You lose sleep, wear out your immune system and make you vulnerable to diseases.

So how do you stop worrying and be calm and composed during a crisis?

You’re familiar with social distancing.

But have you tried emotional distancing?

Emotional Distancing

Emotional distancing is exactly what it means.

It’s a simple process to mentally ‘distance’ yourself from your negative emotions so you can analyze them rationally and non-judgmentally.

When we feel intense emotions, we tend to ‘become’ our emotions. It’s a process that happens unconsciously. We have it built-in to allow our fight-or-flight response to protect us from environmental threats.

You know how some people become someone else when they’re taken over by their emotions?

Similar to how Dr. Bruce Banner transforms into the Hulk when he’s enraged, you momentarily become ‘not yourself’ when you’re feeling intense emotions.

You can’t think normally because you’re not ‘feeling normal’ at that point in time. Your personality gets coloured with emotion and it undergoes a momentary shift.

Peak performers who have developed a high level of emotional mastery are able to ‘catch’ themselves undergoing this shift and on the spot, interrupt this process and distance themselves from their emotions.

If you have experience in meditation or mindfulness, you would probably be able to do this fairly easily.

There are 5 basic steps to effective emotional distancing:

1. Identifying and naming the negative emotion

2. Temporarily dissociating (‘detaching’) yourself from the emotion

3. Non-judgmentally observing the emotion from a distance

4. Evaluating the source or beliefs associated with the emotion

5. Letting go of the emotion

I help my clients through this process to help them get over chronic fears or anxieties.

If you’re used to the process, you can mentally go through the five steps and recover into a resourceful state within 5 minutes. It takes years to develop this level of emotional mastery.

However, for us mere mortals, there are simple emotional distancing exercises you can do that will only require a pen and paper.

The Fear-Setting Exercise

One exercise you can try is the Fear-Setting Exercise.

Fear-Setting is highly powerful because not only does it involve emotional distancing, it goes a step further and helps you develop a plan of action to reduce the uncertainty.

Take out a blank piece of A4 paper, grab a pen. Turn the piece of A4 sideways (landscape).

(Click here to download the worksheet)

At the top of the piece of paper, in the centre, write down, in one sentence the thing that you’re currently most worried about. I will refer to this as your ‘Main Worry’.

Example:

“I’m worried that I will lose my job because of the COVID-19 crisis.”

Below this sentence, draw 2 vertical lines to split the page into 3 columns.

Column 1: Define

In the first, leftmost column, write the word ‘Define’ as a header above the column. In this column, write a list in bullet points, of at least 10 bad things that can happen if your ‘Main Worry’ happens.

It’s going to be uncomfortable, but I want you to think in terms of the worst case scenario. Write down all the unfortunate things that will be the result of your ‘Main Worry’ happening.

Example:

I won’t have enough money to buy food or pay the bills

I won’t have enough to pay medical fees if my parents get sick

I may have to borrow money

I may have to sell the car

I will feel like a total failure

Column 2: Prevent

In the second, middle column, write the word ‘Prevent’ as a header above the column. In this column, write a list in bullet points, of all the things you can do now to minimize the likelihood of the things in Column 1 from happening.

Example:

Set up an emergency fund

Restock on medicine and non-perishables

Create systems to assist the sales department

Enhance and update my CV

Take up an e-learning course on sales

Column 3: Repair

In the third, rightmost column, write the word ‘Repair’ as a header above the column. Now I want you to imagine the worst case scenario, and that all the things from Column 1 happened to you. In this column, write a list in bullet points, of all the things you can do to get yourself back to where you are now.

Example:

Apply for work at my business partner’s company

Revive my web design business

Offer my services to struggling entrepreneurs

Apply for a financial aid scheme

Read a book a day on sales and marketing

As a result of doing this exercise, you’ll realize that as you write out your worries, you rob them of their power over you.

The most important goal of emotional distancing is to ‘reset’ your mind and put yourself in a more resourceful state.

When you have clarity over what you can do to minimize the risk of your worst fears from happening, you can respond to them with effective action instead of helplessness.

So don’t just practice safe social distancing.

Practice emotional distancing and be safe against the virus of worrying!

Summary

Emotional distancing is a simple process to mentally ‘distance’ yourself from your negative emotions so you can analyze them rationally and non-judgmentally.

5 basic steps to effective emotional distancing:

1. Identifying and naming the negative emotion

2. Temporarily dissociating (‘detaching’) yourself from the emotion

3. Non-judgmentally observing the emotion from a distance

4. Evaluating the source or beliefs associated with the emotion

5. Letting go of the emotion

Do the Fear-Setting Exercise to work through your worries. 

Feeling anxious about your career? Let’s talk about it. Click here to book a 1-to-1 coaching session.

(click here to read a summary of this post)

 

In our fight to combat the spread of coronavirus, we’re advised to practice social distancing.

Here in Singapore, we’ve taken it up a notch by turning it into law.

“Those who do not keep at least one meter apart, or who meet in groups of more than 10 people outside of work or school, could face a fine of up to $10,000 and/or up to six months’ imprisonment.”

To say we’re taking this seriously would be an understatement.

Many of us are already deathly afraid of losing our jobs, our livelihoods and getting sick.

With the new social distancing laws, we have one more thing to worry about: breaking the law.

Today, let’s talk about worrying.

Worrying in itself is not a bad thing. We worry because there’s something valuable to us that we’re at risk of losing. It could stem from fear of loss or fear of uncertainty.

In healthy doses, worry spurs us to take action.

But if we’re not conscious, worrying itself can be deadly.

Numerous studies have shown that incessant worrying can take a toll on our physical and mental health. You lose sleep, wear out your immune system and make you vulnerable to diseases.

So how do you stop worrying and be calm and composed during a crisis?

You’re familiar with social distancing.

But have you tried emotional distancing?

Emotional Distancing

Emotional distancing is exactly what it means.

It’s a simple process to mentally ‘distance’ yourself from your negative emotions so you can analyze them rationally and non-judgmentally.

When we feel intense emotions, we tend to ‘become’ our emotions. It’s a process that happens unconsciously. We have it built-in to allow our fight-or-flight response to protect us from environmental threats.

You know how some people become someone else when they’re taken over by their emotions?

Similar to how Dr. Bruce Banner transforms into the Hulk when he’s enraged, you momentarily become ‘not yourself’ when you’re feeling intense emotions.

You can’t think normally because you’re not ‘feeling normal’ at that point in time. Your personality gets coloured with emotion and it undergoes a momentary shift.

Peak performers who have developed a high level of emotional mastery are able to ‘catch’ themselves undergoing this shift and on the spot, interrupt this process and distance themselves from their emotions.

If you have experience in meditation or mindfulness, you would probably be able to do this fairly easily.

There are 5 basic steps to effective emotional distancing:

1. Identifying and naming the negative emotion

2. Temporarily dissociating (‘detaching’) yourself from the emotion

3. Non-judgmentally observing the emotion from a distance

4. Evaluating the source or beliefs associated with the emotion

5. Letting go of the emotion

I help my clients through this process to help them get over chronic fears or anxieties.

If you’re used to the process, you can mentally go through the five steps and recover into a resourceful state within 5 minutes. It takes years to develop this level of emotional mastery.

However, for us mere mortals, there are simple emotional distancing exercises you can do that will only require a pen and paper.

The Fear-Setting Exercise

One exercise you can try is the Fear-Setting Exercise.

Fear-Setting is highly powerful because not only does it involve emotional distancing, it goes a step further and helps you develop a plan of action to reduce the uncertainty.

Take out a blank piece of A4 paper, grab a pen. Turn the piece of A4 sideways (landscape).

(Click here to download the worksheet)

At the top of the piece of paper, in the centre, write down, in one sentence the thing that you’re currently most worried about. I will refer to this as your ‘Main Worry’.

Example:

“I’m worried that I will lose my job because of the COVID-19 crisis.”

Below this sentence, draw 2 vertical lines to split the page into 3 columns.

Column 1: Define

In the first, leftmost column, write the word ‘Define’ as a header above the column. In this column, write a list in bullet points, of at least 10 bad things that can happen if your ‘Main Worry’ happens.

It’s going to be uncomfortable, but I want you to think in terms of the worst case scenario. Write down all the unfortunate things that will be the result of your ‘Main Worry’ happening.

Example:

I won’t have enough money to buy food or pay the bills

I won’t have enough to pay medical fees if my parents get sick

I may have to borrow money

I may have to sell the car

I will feel like a total failure

Column 2: Prevent

In the second, middle column, write the word ‘Prevent’ as a header above the column. In this column, write a list in bullet points, of all the things you can do now to minimize the likelihood of the things in Column 1 from happening.

Example:

Set up an emergency fund

Restock on medicine and non-perishables

Create systems to assist the sales department

Enhance and update my CV

Take up an e-learning course on sales

Column 3: Repair

In the third, rightmost column, write the word ‘Repair’ as a header above the column. Now I want you to imagine the worst case scenario, and that all the things from Column 1 happened to you. In this column, write a list in bullet points, of all the things you can do to get yourself back to where you are now.

Example:

Apply for work at my business partner’s company

Revive my web design business

Offer my services to struggling entrepreneurs

Apply for a financial aid scheme

Read a book a day on sales and marketing

As a result of doing this exercise, you’ll realize that as you write out your worries, you rob them of their power over you.

The most important goal of emotional distancing is to ‘reset’ your mind and put yourself in a more resourceful state.

When you have clarity over what you can do to minimize the risk of your worst fears from happening, you can respond to them with effective action instead of helplessness.

So don’t just practice safe social distancing.

Practice emotional distancing and be safe against the virus of worrying!

Summary

Emotional distancing is a simple process to mentally ‘distance’ yourself from your negative emotions so you can analyze them rationally and non-judgmentally.

5 basic steps to effective emotional distancing:

1. Identifying and naming the negative emotion

2. Temporarily dissociating (‘detaching’) yourself from the emotion

3. Non-judgmentally observing the emotion from a distance

4. Evaluating the source or beliefs associated with the emotion

5. Letting go of the emotion

Do the Fear-Setting Exercise to work through your worries. 

Feeling anxious about your career? Let’s talk about it. Click here to book a 1-to-1 coaching session.