(click here to read a summary of this post)

 

My mom has a daily habit of reading scripture.

For all my life, I could not remember the last time she ever skipped a day without spending hours reciting verses from the Koran, studying the text and perfecting her recitation.

I would think that I’m pretty consistent with my habits.

But when I look at my mom’s unbreakable habit streak, I remember where I got my consistency from.

Once in awhile, she’d coax me to join her.

However, no matter how much I try, I could never feel the same sense of satisfaction she gets from recitation.

What she saw as an exercise in spiritual refreshment… I saw as a chore.

10 minutes of focused recitation was enough and I’d be yawning already. But on her best day, I swear she’d probably consider 10 hours of recitation as a ‘light workout’.

Mom frequently complained that I never have time to recite with her. Her pet peeve is that I don’t share in her dedication for scripture.

And that drives me up the wall.

Once in a while, after a long day of work, I’d come home to a rant about how I don’t know my priorities. Every time she does so, I get heated – feeling like a disappointment of a son for not sharing her lifelong passion.

As I grew older I learned to turn a deaf ear, shrugging her off just so I could get on with my life.

‘Leave me alone, Mom. Stop trying to force me to be you. Sheesh.’

Last night, I was eager to go to bed early.

After attending a 2-day convention – all I wanted was to go home and get some rest. I laid my bag down, freshened up and got ready for bed.

And just before I could tuck myself in, Mom pulled me one side and asked me to join her in recitation.

I sighed.

But what she said after her request immediately struck me.

“I know you’re tired. But have you forgotten? It’s Mother’s day. And my birthday.

And if you joined me, that’s the best gift you could ever give me.”

I gasped.

My mom’s birthday falls on Mother’s Day. So if I forget to circle May 12th on my calendar, it’s a double whammy.

I hugged her tightly – feeling like a failure.

And that night, I decided to spend a little bit longer with her in recitation.

And it was enough to put a smile on her face.

As I reflected on my mom’s passion for recitation – it dawned on me that she loved recitation not just for the fact that she’s really good at it…

…but maybe because that was the only time she got to spend some 1-on-1 time with her son.

She’d ask me to join her for recitation and I’d grudgingly agree – because I never understood how much she probably wanted to just spend time with her son – doing the thing she loved the most.

Learn To See The Wish Behind The Complaint

This reminded me of a leadership lesson I learned at the convention: ‘learn to see the wish behind the complaint’.

Every time someone complains about something, it’s not that they want to be an ungrateful pain-in-the-ass, it’s that they have a desire for something.

It could be a wish they’ve always had but they don’t know how to express.

It could be a longing that they’re too afraid to ask for.

Or it could be an unmet need that you never took the time to acknowledge.

Your Presence Is The Best Present

This story also reminds me that sometimes the best present you could give to your loved ones is your presence.

It doesn’t cost money. Only your time and willingness.

It’s part of being human that we tend to take for granted the ones closest to us and forget to make time for them.

But awareness of how we may be failing our loved ones is the first step. 

Not just to be better sons and daughters. But also to be better brothers, sisters, fathers and mothers.

I admit: I’m not a very good son.

I can’t promise that I’m gonna start magically enjoying recitation from now on. But at least now when my mom asks me to join her, I might grumble a little bit less.

It’s pointless to feel bad about not being able to be there for someone. What matters is moving forward, are you committed to changing your behaviour?

On the bright side, I know that my relationship with my mom gets better year after year.

And I think it’s a good reminder that it’s the little things for our loved ones that make a big difference to the quality of our lives.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Summary

When someone complains to you, learn to see the wish behind the complaint.

The best present you could give to your loved ones is your presence.

It’s the little things for our loved ones that make a big difference to the quality of our lives.

(click here to read a summary of this post)

 

My mom has a daily habit of reading scripture.

For all my life, I could not remember the last time she ever skipped a day without spending hours reciting verses from the Koran, studying the text and perfecting her recitation.

I would think that I’m pretty consistent with my habits.

But when I look at my mom’s unbreakable habit streak, I remember where I got my consistency from.

Once in awhile, she’d coax me to join her.

However, no matter how much I try, I could never feel the same sense of satisfaction she gets from recitation.

What she saw as an exercise in spiritual refreshment… I saw as a chore.

10 minutes of focused recitation was enough and I’d be yawning already. But on her best day, I swear she’d probably consider 10 hours of recitation as a ‘light workout’.

Mom frequently complained that I never have time to recite with her. Her pet peeve is that I don’t share in her dedication for scripture.

And that drives me up the wall.

Once in a while, after a long day of work, I’d come home to a rant about how I don’t know my priorities. Every time she does so, I get heated – feeling like a disappointment of a son for not sharing her lifelong passion.

As I grew older I learned to turn a deaf ear, shrugging her off just so I could get on with my life.

‘Leave me alone, Mom. Stop trying to force me to be you. Sheesh.’

Last night, I was eager to go to bed early.

After attending a 2-day convention – all I wanted was to go home and get some rest. I laid my bag down, freshened up and got ready for bed.

And just before I could tuck myself in, Mom pulled me one side and asked me to join her in recitation.

I sighed.

But what she said after her request immediately struck me.

“I know you’re tired. But have you forgotten? It’s Mother’s day. And my birthday.

And if you joined me, that’s the best gift you could ever give me.”

I gasped.

My mom’s birthday falls on Mother’s Day. So if I forget to circle May 12th on my calendar, it’s a double whammy.

I hugged her tightly – feeling like a failure.

And that night, I decided to spend a little bit longer with her in recitation.

And it was enough to put a smile on her face.

As I reflected on my mom’s passion for recitation – it dawned on me that she loved recitation not just for the fact that she’s really good at it…

…but maybe because that was the only time she got to spend some 1-on-1 time with her son.

She’d ask me to join her for recitation and I’d grudgingly agree – because I never understood how much she probably wanted to just spend time with her son – doing the thing she loved the most.

Learn To See The Wish Behind The Complaint

This reminded me of a leadership lesson I learned at the convention: ‘learn to see the wish behind the complaint’.

Every time someone complains about something, it’s not that they want to be an ungrateful pain-in-the-ass, it’s that they have a desire for something.

It could be a wish they’ve always had but they don’t know how to express.

It could be a longing that they’re too afraid to ask for.

Or it could be an unmet need that you never took the time to acknowledge.

Your Presence Is The Best Present

This story also reminds me that sometimes the best present you could give to your loved ones is your presence.

It doesn’t cost money. Only your time and willingness.

It’s part of being human that we tend to take for granted the ones closest to us and forget to make time for them.

But awareness of how we may be failing our loved ones is the first step. 

Not just to be better sons and daughters. But also to be better brothers, sisters, fathers and mothers.

I admit: I’m not a very good son.

I can’t promise that I’m gonna start magically enjoying recitation from now on. But at least now when my mom asks me to join her, I might grumble a little bit less.

It’s pointless to feel bad about not being able to be there for someone. What matters is moving forward, are you committed to changing your behaviour?

On the bright side, I know that my relationship with my mom gets better year after year.

And I think it’s a good reminder that it’s the little things for our loved ones that make a big difference to the quality of our lives.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Summary

When someone complains to you, learn to see the wish behind the complaint.

The best present you could give to your loved ones is your presence.

It’s the little things for our loved ones that make a big difference to the quality of our lives.