Have you ever heard of ‘tall poppy syndrome’?
‘Tall poppy syndrome’ refers to a group phenomenon where high achievers – who stand out because of their success – are resented or unfairly criticised by their peers.
In Singaporean society, it’s sometimes referred to as ‘spoil market’.
Imagine working hard to achieve success and reach the top, only to realize that your success somehow ‘offends’ the people around you.
Your success makes them look bad.
Your wins makes them feel like losers.
You should stop showing off and just ‘be humble’.
According to sociologist Max Weber, the ‘tall poppy syndrome’ may be seen in cultures where attaining status or rank is a zero-sum game, like work.
In a work environment, your success may mean someone else’s failure.
Maybe you got promoted to a position that’s highly coveted by many of your colleagues.
Maybe you tend to receive more attention and praise from your boss, who has a reputation for being selective.
Maybe you were shortlisted for opportunities that should’ve been given to other ‘more deserving’ candidates.
Remember in school, there was always a student who was labeled the ‘teacher’s pet’? They’re usually the one who tops the class, is the most well-behaved…
…and also the subject of ire and mockery by their classmates.
Sounds familiar?
If you’ve ever been a peak performer most of your life, chances are you may have been a victim of ‘tall poppy syndrome’ at least once or twice.
I first experienced ‘tall poppy syndrome’ in university.
I scored straight ‘A’s’. I was well dressed. I was liked and respected by all of my professors. And I had an air of confidence when I spoke in class.
I also had very few friends.
Although I could get along with many people, I felt like I didn’t really belong to any ‘clique’.
Because, regardless of which group I mixed with, there was always a weird tension in the air – like people somehow saw me as a ‘threat’.
That’s also when I got the nickname ‘Mr Spoil Market’. Because my classmates loathed going after me in presentations.
They felt that I made them look bad.
What was interesting to me was that I caught wind of some opinions they shared about me.
Many of them felt like I should ‘be more humble’.
This stunned me at first.
While I knew deep inside that I should take their opinion of me with a pinch of salt, I still found myself scratching my head.
The Relationship Between Confidence & Humility
What does the word ‘humble’ really mean?
At first thought, you may think that being humble entail some old-age, common sense advice:
Keep your head low. Don’t brag about your success. Don’t try to stand out.
However in the real world, in order to succeed at the highest levels, it’s inevitable that you MUST stand out to some extent.
Because only when you stand out, that’s when you’re in a prime position to seize opportunities.
How does one land that dream job at Google amongst thousands of applicants?
How does one clinch a full scholarship when there are countless others who equally deserve it?
How does one be shortlisted for a promotion to a high ranking position in the company?
It is by having the confidence to stand out.
But just because you have the confidence to stand out, doesn’t mean you can’t be humble.
So here’s my peak performance description of humility.
Being humble is not about being overly modest or ‘dimming’ your own success.
Real humility is showing these 3 signs:
3 Signs of Humility
1. Humility means having a realistic, grounded self-awareness of both your strengths and weaknesses.
2. Humility means showing up at work, day in day out, without complaining about why it’s taking too long for success to come.
3. Humility means accepting and enjoying success… while knowing fully that your success will not last forever.
The flip side of this, is overconfidence.
3 Signs of Overconfidence
1. Overconfidence is when you over-emphasize your strengths and completely ignore your weaknesses, even if they may be sabotaging you.
2. Overconfidence means having a lackadaisical attitude towards work, and believing you can succeed without putting in the necessary effort.
3. Overconfidence means enjoying your success, and thinking that it will last forever.
This may sound a little paradoxical, but I believe that in order to truly be ‘humble’ (in the peak performance point of view), you need a strong level of self-confidence.
Because you need self-confidence to take a hard look at yourself and accept your limitations.
You need self-confidence to know that your work will eventually pay off.
And you need self-confidence to accept that success is temporary.
‘Tall poppy syndrome’ will be there. It’s something you need to expect as you grow more successful as a peak performer.
Your success will inevitably force other people to look at themselves. If they are insecure, they will project that onto you.
But if they are secure, you will serve as an example for them to raise their game.
Understand: you don’t have to dull your shine in order to be ‘humble’. You are not responsible for how others perceive you.
Marianne Williamson said:
Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do… And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.”
Humility is not thinking less of yourself. Humility is thinking of yourself, less.
When you think of yourself less, you focus on the work.
And that’s what eventually makes you a peak performer.
Summary
3 Signs of Humility
1. Humility means having a realistic, grounded self-awareness of both your strengths and weaknesses.
2. Humility means showing up at work, day in day out, without complaining about why it’s taking too long for success to come.
3. Humility means accepting and enjoying success… while knowing fully that your success will not last forever.
3 Signs of Overconfidence
1. Overconfidence is when you over-emphasize your strengths and completely ignore your weaknesses, even if they may be sabotaging you.
2. Overconfidence means having a lackadaisical attitude towards work, and believing you can succeed without putting in the necessary effort.
3. Overconfidence means enjoying your success, and thinking that it will last forever.
Understand: you don’t have to dull your shine in order to be ‘humble’. You are not responsible for how others perceive you.
Humility is not thinking less of yourself. Humility is thinking of yourself, less.
Have you ever heard of ‘tall poppy syndrome’?
‘Tall poppy syndrome’ refers to a group phenomenon where high achievers – who stand out because of their success – are resented or unfairly criticised by their peers.
In Singaporean society, it’s sometimes referred to as ‘spoil market’.
Imagine working hard to achieve success and reach the top, only to realize that your success somehow ‘offends’ the people around you.
Your success makes them look bad.
Your wins makes them feel like losers.
You should stop showing off and just ‘be humble’.
According to sociologist Max Weber, the ‘tall poppy syndrome’ may be seen in cultures where attaining status or rank is a zero-sum game, like work.
In a work environment, your success may mean someone else’s failure.
Maybe you got promoted to a position that’s highly coveted by many of your colleagues.
Maybe you tend to receive more attention and praise from your boss, who has a reputation for being selective.
Maybe you were shortlisted for opportunities that should’ve been given to other ‘more deserving’ candidates.
Remember in school, there was always a student who was labeled the ‘teacher’s pet’? They’re usually the one who tops the class, is the most well-behaved…
…and also the subject of ire and mockery by their classmates.
Sounds familiar?
If you’ve ever been a peak performer most of your life, chances are you may have been a victim of ‘tall poppy syndrome’ at least once or twice.
I first experienced ‘tall poppy syndrome’ in university.
I scored straight ‘A’s’. I was well dressed. I was liked and respected by all of my professors. And I had an air of confidence when I spoke in class.
I also had very few friends.
Although I could get along with many people, I felt like I didn’t really belong to any ‘clique’.
Because, regardless of which group I mixed with, there was always a weird tension in the air – like people somehow saw me as a ‘threat’.
That’s also when I got the nickname ‘Mr Spoil Market’. Because my classmates loathed going after me in presentations.
They felt that I made them look bad.
What was interesting to me was that I caught wind of some opinions they shared about me.
Many of them felt like I should ‘be more humble’.
This stunned me at first.
While I knew deep inside that I should take their opinion of me with a pinch of salt, I still found myself scratching my head.
The Relationship Between Confidence & Humility
What does the word ‘humble’ really mean?
At first thought, you may think that being humble entail some old-age, common sense advice:
Keep your head low. Don’t brag about your success. Don’t try to stand out.
However in the real world, in order to succeed at the highest levels, it’s inevitable that you MUST stand out to some extent.
Because only when you stand out, that’s when you’re in a prime position to seize opportunities.
How does one land that dream job at Google amongst thousands of applicants?
How does one clinch a full scholarship when there are countless others who equally deserve it?
How does one be shortlisted for a promotion to a high ranking position in the company?
It is by having the confidence to stand out.
But just because you have the confidence to stand out, doesn’t mean you can’t be humble.
So here’s my peak performance description of humility.
Being humble is not about being overly modest or ‘dimming’ your own success.
Real humility is showing these 3 signs:
3 Signs of Humility
1. Humility means having a realistic, grounded self-awareness of both your strengths and weaknesses.
2. Humility means showing up at work, day in day out, without complaining about why it’s taking too long for success to come.
3. Humility means accepting and enjoying success… while knowing fully that your success will not last forever.
The flip side of this, is overconfidence.
3 Signs of Overconfidence
1. Overconfidence is when you over-emphasize your strengths and completely ignore your weaknesses, even if they may be sabotaging you.
2. Overconfidence means having a lackadaisical attitude towards work, and believing you can succeed without putting in the necessary effort.
3. Overconfidence means enjoying your success, and thinking that it will last forever.
This may sound a little paradoxical, but I believe that in order to truly be ‘humble’ (in the peak performance point of view), you need a strong level of self-confidence.
Because you need self-confidence to take a hard look at yourself and accept your limitations.
You need self-confidence to know that your work will eventually pay off.
And you need self-confidence to accept that success is temporary.
‘Tall poppy syndrome’ will be there. It’s something you need to expect as you grow more successful as a peak performer.
Your success will inevitably force other people to look at themselves. If they are insecure, they will project that onto you.
But if they are secure, you will serve as an example for them to raise their game.
Understand: you don’t have to dull your shine in order to be ‘humble’. You are not responsible for how others perceive you.
Marianne Williamson said:
Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do… And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.”
Humility is not thinking less of yourself. Humility is thinking of yourself, less.
When you think of yourself less, you focus on the work.
And that’s what eventually makes you a peak performer.
Summary
3 Signs of Humility
1. Humility means having a realistic, grounded self-awareness of both your strengths and weaknesses.
2. Humility means showing up at work, day in day out, without complaining about why it’s taking too long for success to come.
3. Humility means accepting and enjoying success… while knowing fully that your success will not last forever.
3 Signs of Overconfidence
1. Overconfidence is when you over-emphasize your strengths and completely ignore your weaknesses, even if they may be sabotaging you.
2. Overconfidence means having a lackadaisical attitude towards work, and believing you can succeed without putting in the necessary effort.
3. Overconfidence means enjoying your success, and thinking that it will last forever.
Understand: you don’t have to dull your shine in order to be ‘humble’. You are not responsible for how others perceive you.
Humility is not thinking less of yourself. Humility is thinking of yourself, less.