Have you ever worked really hard for something you wanted so badly…

…but never quite succeeded?

Have you ever wanted to quit something for the longest time, telling yourself that if you just stay a bit longer, things will ‘work out’…

…but it never does?

I’ve been in this position before.

As a child – all I wanted to do was get bigger and stronger so that I can stand up to the bullies at school.

I was thin, meek and frail.

So I’d always fantasize about one day being a trained killer: being a badass who had superhuman skills, muscles and most importantly, the guts to beat up anyone who dared to cross me.

Of course, I never wanted to kill anybody.

But I thought: wouldn’t it be amazing to be a real-life James Bond or John Wick?

At 17, with that fantasy in mind, I mustered up the courage to take up martial arts in college.

Although I hated most of my time there, I saw it as a necessary rite of passage to toughen myself up, get stronger and learn how to fight.

And I did.

Despite still being skinny, I learned how to strike fast, be evasive and take hits.

My confidence bolstered as I tested my skills in competition.

I was constantly matched up against opponents who were bigger, stronger and faster than me.

I had a good run.

So after 4 years of training… I stopped.

If At First You Don’t Succeed, Quit And Quit Again

But a year after I had left the dojo, I realized that I still held on to the same insecurities I had when I was a kid.

Even though I did have some skills, I knew deep inside I was still far from being the badass I had always wanted to be.

So every few months, I’d return to train. Then I’d hate it (because I’ve always hated training). So then I’d quit after a few weeks.

And then I feel miserable about being a ‘quitter’, so I come back.

Then I’d hate it.

And quit again.

This pattern actually carried on for YEARS, before I decided to ask myself three important questions.

And after I answered them honestly, I made the decision to swallow the bitter pill and let go of that childhood fantasy.

I gave up and accepted the fact that I’ll never be a trained killer.

And it turned out to be one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

I was free to refocus on my true passions: which was speaking, coaching and training.

When I let go of that false expectation on myself – it’s like a huge burden was lifted. My mind was clear, and I started to get massive results in the areas of my life which actually mattered to me.

My income increased, my health blossomed, my happiness soared.

And I even had time every week to do kickboxing which I truly enjoyed and looked forward to.

Change Your View on Quitting

The problem was not that I wasn’t tough enough. The problem was that I was still insecure.

And once I learnt to let go of those insecurities, I let go of that unhealthy pattern of ‘trying and quitting’.

But I couldn’t have done this if I hadn’t changed how I looked at ‘quitting’.

As children, we were told that ‘quitters never win, winners never quit’.

Only people who were losers or lacked the will to win would quit when the going gets tough.

But as we move into adulthood, we get confused about the difference between ‘quitting’ and to ‘letting go’.

Have you ever fantasized about having six-pack abs, running your own million-dollar business or driving a Lamborghini?

These are common fantasies that many people wish for.

But the harsh truth is: most of us just don’t have the time, energy and effort to fully commit to achieving these things.

I’m not saying that they’re not possible for you. They’re definitely possible and many people have achieved them.

It’s just that perhaps all the time, energy and effort you’d spend to pursue these fantasies, you could invest them much more efficiently into goals which ACTUALLY MATTER to you and those which you have a reasonable shot at achieving.

It’s important to be persistent. Persistence is great.

But it is only great when you persist in the right things. The things that matter.

So how do you know what these right things are? How do you know if something is ‘right’ for you?

These were three questions I asked myself which prompted me to decide whether or not I should ‘quit’.

3 Questions to Ask If You’re Unsure of Whether to Quit or to Stay

The Value Question: Is this one of my top two highest priorities in life?

Write down a list of everything that is important to you in life, and rank them.

If what you’re considering to quit counts as among the top two highest priorities… DON’T QUIT.

Keep pushing because we’re most likely to succeed in that which we deem important in our lives.

If it’s not in your top two, then you might want to reflect on whether you’ve been over-emphasizing it in your life.

In the area of public speaking, it was difficult to push myself to rise to a high level of competence.

But I realize I have never even once thought about quitting. And that’s because my dream to be a world-class peak performance coach is one of my highest priorities in life!

So it makes perfect sense for me to stay in the game, even when it gets tough.

The Commitment Question: Am I willing to go professional or just remain an amateur?

Here’s the truth: you can’t have it all. And you can’t be good at EVERYTHING!

Despite having infinite possibilities in what we can do with our lives, we only have so much time to be alive!

Which is why in every pursuit you decide to take up in your life – be it for money or for pleasure – you need to ask yourself: am I willing to go professional or just be an amateur?

The difference is that if you commit to going pro, you show up to work every day and do it – whether you like it or not.

If you’d like to be a professional tennis player, then you have to play tennis as if it’s work.

Rain or shine, you commit to showing up and be a professional.

This also means investing a substantial amount in hiring the right coaches, taking care of your body and sacrificing much to get to a high level.

Many people don’t rise to a high level of skill unless they’ve committed 100% into being a professional in that area.

This is why athletes, bodybuilders, models and professional trainers have abs… and you don’t! (oops)

If you can’t commit to being professional about your goals, you’re better off an amateur.

Trust me, you’d be way happier.

The Perspective Question: Fast forward 10 years from now, would it matter?

Are you one of those people who is doing something completely unrelated to the major you took in school?

Or have you ever had relationship issues in the past which were frustrating back then but has no effect on your life now?

Like I mentioned earlier, many of us over-emphasize the effect that certain situations can have on the direction of our lives.

It’s something our brains do to keep us safe from making bad decisions.

Fortunately, we’re also hardwired to adapt and to ‘move on’ faster than we think we can.

Maybe you’re going through a tough dilemma right now. Like whether you should leave your job, be a part of a new company or change your course of study.

But remember that no matter how ‘big’ this decision is, you always have it in you to change the course of your life.

The problems you faced 10 years ago are usually completely irrelevant to you now.

And that’s because you were smart enough to navigate your life and solve problems.

Once you know that, it’s good to keep in mind that the ‘big decisions’ you make, are usually actually not that big if you consider the grand scheme of your life.

If you quit now, it may seem like a bad thing, but in a few months, you’d probably never think of it again.

Because you’re already progressing on new plans. And success is just around the corner.