Are you struggling to let go of painful experiences in your past?

I was listening to Dr Jordan Peterson and he was explaining the metaphor of forest fires.

Forest fires, or wildfires, can be very devastating.

In the past two decades, the United States has seen a significant increase in the destruction caused by wildfires. Forest fires have also reached record levels in recent years in the Amazon, Sub Saharan Africa and Siberia.

In Singapore, we’re also prone to the effects of forest fires in Indonesia – in the form of haze.

Forest fires can seem destructive. But they are actually necessary.

In fact, if natural forest fires don’t occur – the consequences might be worse.

Forests accumulate a lot of dry, flammable material in the form of deadwood. Branches die, fall off and deadwood collects on the forest floor.

Many trees are built to withstand forest fires of moderate intensity. Some plants won’t even spread their seeds unless forest fires occur.

So in small amounts, naturally occurring forest fires are extremely beneficial as they help to “clean” the forest floor, allowing for young, healthy trees to grow.

And the natural cycle of growth and destruction continues.

However, if the deadwood accumulates way too high and burning occurs, the wildfires can burn so hot that it burns the topsoil off, leaving nothing in its wake.

The forest would burn out completely, leaving nothing but a desert.

The lesson here is: a little bit of fire at the right time can prevent everything from burning to the ground. 

Like Forests, We Are Also Collecting Deadwood

When we’re letting go of something traumatic, it’s almost like we’re setting fire to something within us.

We know rationally that we have to move on, but it doesn’t make the pain any less bearable.

So in order to avoid the pain, we choose to ignore it.

But we fail to realize that we’ve now chosen to live with our baggage – our deadwood.

This mental deadwood may not be obvious, but it is subconsciously affecting many decisions we make in our lives.

We sabotage ourselves just when we’re getting closer to success.

We avoid relationships because we don’t want to get hurt anymore.

We pick up bad habits that spiral into addictions because we want to numb the pain.

These are all signs that we’ve not dealt with our deadwood.

This deadwood can manifest differently for different people.

Remnants of the past that they still cling on to. Limiting beliefs they don’t grow out of. Painful memories that replay over and over in their minds.

You can’t avoid collecting deadwood. But eventually, you must deal with them.

You see, in many forests, deadwood accumulates to dangerous levels. It’s dangerous because the deadwood serves as potential fuel for highly destructive wildfires.

As a response, people have to intervene and set small, controlled fires in order to prevent out-of-control wildfires from potentially burning down the entire forest.

This technique is called ‘backburning’.

It is when you start a small fire to get rid of the deadwood so that when the big wildfires occur, it won’t have the fuel to burn out of control.

Like I’ve mentioned: a little bit of fire at the right time can prevent everything from burning to the ground.

Make The Choice To Burn Your Own Deadwood

Instead of thinking of life as a series of events that happen to you, think of life as a process of continuous self-renewal. 

You are a phoenix.

You will inevitably go through numerous difficult periods in life where you will figuratively burn and go down in flames. 

But after the burning is over, you must remember that you are psychologically equipped to ‘rise from the ashes’ and start anew.

You will experience not just one, but many ‘small’ fires – mini-transformations – that make you stronger, tougher and more capable of handling adversity.

You are actually very strong.

The thing is, there’s no way to know how strong you are until you’ve handled something truly difficult.

Each time you feel the emotional burn of letting go, remember that you’re going through the process of burning your deadwood.

To start over anew, you have to allow your deadwood to burn off completely.

It is painful but it is necessary.

And most importantly, it must be your choice.

Letting go can be incredibly painful especially if we feel like we’re being ‘forced’ to let go.

When we see ourselves as the victim, or hold someone else accountable for our pain, then we’re only choosing to hold on to our deadwood.

But when we accept full responsibility for our past and voluntarily choose to let go, that’s when we become empowered. 

We’re choosing to ‘burn gloriously’ and thus free ourselves from the ‘dead matter’ in our lives, making room for new growth.

Make a commitment now to perform your own emotional ‘backburning’. 

Set fire to your deadwood.

They’re already dead.

Grab a torch, set those painful memories on fire. See yourself as shedding the weaker parts of you – the old, outdated junk you don’t need anymore.

Watch your past go up in smoke as you allow yourself to release the pain. 

Once you are ready, dust off the ashes. Resolve to look up and move forward as a better, stronger version of yourself.